i don't like sucking hair
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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