I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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