if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
