May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
