not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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