she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
