Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
