GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Randomize
