but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
