I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
