You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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