is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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