the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
