We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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