Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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