I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Randomize
