So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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