i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
