I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
