My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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