Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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