I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
