batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
