but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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