I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
