I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
