she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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