we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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