Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
