3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
