Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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