the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Your penis caused this!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
