Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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