Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
