Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
