Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
