If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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