I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
