Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
