I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
