He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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