my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I could fuck to npr.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
