I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
