Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
you never un-have a 4some
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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