Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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