I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
