He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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