How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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