Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
