I think I died a long time ago.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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