Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
she peed on how many people?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
