And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
