who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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