She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
