May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
