based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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