Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
